Northern (Over)Exposure

I’m tired of hockey. Yeah, I said it. Personally, I (Rick Lafontaine) have not written a piece for this site in weeks (But now I’m back with my disjointed thoughts). This can be attributed to a number of things that have recently disrupted my normal life: health issues, the holiday season, a minor pornography problem etc. However to lay the blame solely on these factors would be untruthful. The truth is that I am fed up with being force-fed a massive helping of hockey every day by the Canadian sports networks, specifically TSN. The coverage is wall to wall. Basketball, NFL football, Baseball, and everything else take back seat. Quite frankly, this bombardment is making me sick of hockey.

As of the moment I began this piece, there are 9 headlines on the TSN.ca homepage relating to hockey. Apparently Mike Danton is going to University. File that under “Who gives a fuck?” I realise that Danton was involved in a sensational story but at this point he is very far removed from pro hockey. If this story needs to be covered, why is it that no network (aside from CBC) is doing investigative reporting on the alleged dirt bag David Frost and his exploits? And if we’re going to write about sensational stories involving lower-end NHLers, why hasn’t anyone located Chad Kilger?! I don’t know about who is scratched from the Atlanta Thrashers blue-line (actual NHL players), let alone what Mike Danton is up to.

TSN’s coverage of the World Junior Hockey Championships illustrated the worst of the network’s over-analysis. Every play, player, and moment was subjected to scrutiny. This one done to draw massive ratings and promote a tournament that no one outside of Canada cares about. Not surprisingly, the real issues that competitions like these raise were not discussed. For instance, why are Canadians allowing children to be placed under ridiculous pressure, while playing as amateurs in a sport that 80% of them will not be playing professionally. Don’t get me wrong, I love the WJHC. I’ve been watching it since I was a child. But I don’ think that such intense coverage adds to the tourney. In fact I think it takes away from it. I recall that the tournament had a sense of innocence. The players were treated as children, not as men on a mission. Despite the bullshit, I do enjoy the human interest pieces. We learned that the father of a certain Leaf’s 1st round pick could not afford to play hockey as a young immigrant. And more importantly, that his mom is hot.

TSN’s hockey coverage is almost like CNN’s news coverage: suffocating. Some stories are interesting, but the constant bombardment is unbearable. And of course, everyone takes themselves too seriously.  Let’s check out the breakdown of the offenders:

Bob McKenzie = Wolf Blitzer

Think white hair makes them wise Attempt to induce mass hysteria with their “major stories” about rural school bus fires and fourth line shuffles.

Pierre McGuire = Jack Cafferty

Why should we care about their opinions and insights?                                                                                     Why are they yelling at me?

James Duthie = Anderson Cooper

Somewhat charming and moderately entertaining hosts. Probably can get a lot of women, but might like dudes. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that)

Dave Hodge = Fareed Zakaria

The same shitty news from the week, only in a more serious tone, and on Sundays!

I like sports to be covered in depth and examining them sociologically. For example I am a big fan of ESPN’s Bill Simmons, as well as programs like Pardon the Interruption. The hosts and guests of these shows dissect sports news stories with incredible insight, while maintaining an “it’s only sports” demeanour. The only times they stray from this approach is when the stories truly transcend sports. For example, this fool:

Now I realize that one cannot compare these free-flowing shows to rigid reporting and sports news shows like Sportscentre. Nonetheless, there is no rule saying that TSN’s Sportscentre has to be so hockey oriented. I have watched ESPN’s Sportscentre a number of times this year and noticed how incredibly balanced their coverage is. Hockey coverage is slightly more limited, but the NFL, NBA, MLB, college sports, and other interests are covered very evenly. Even British sports coverage includes more variety! Obviously both Sky Sports and BBC Sports report heavily on soccer, as we do on hockey. But on nearly every broadcast they also quickly run down the NHL, NBA, NFL, and MLB. There is no equal coverage given to European sports on TSN. Perhaps one Premiership game on the weekend or a Champions League game midweek. They do not however, run through the Premiership, La Liga, the Bundisliga, Serie A, or Euroleague basketball.

So there it is onscreen. My frustration has been released for all to read. Maybe if I avoid hockey for a few weeks, I’ll regain my interest. If not that quickly, perhaps I will in time to watch the summer hockey coverage that relegates the Jays to an afterthought.

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